If Only
by Hayden's Super Hobbit
Summary: If only Lana hadn't thrown away the rose...would things be different? (Post-Rush) [yea, i know...a little late. but hey...i had an epiphany...please R&R]
1. Prologue

Prologue 

Lana Lang walked home from the Talon, holding a delicate red rose. She stared blankly at the door a moment before opening it and going inside. She found Chloe Sullivan, her friend and "room mate" in the living room.   
"A rose?" Chloe asked. "Who's it from?" Lana smiled ironically.   
"Clark called it his 'pathetic attempt at apologising,' " she said. Chloe looked at her with a sudden understanding. Lana had told her that Clark had been kissing another girl when he was _supposed_ to be with her. What Chloe _didnt_ know was that the girl was _her. _Lana planned to keep it that way. She walked up to her room and closed the door, falling onto the bed. Staring at the ceiling, Lana absently fingered the rose, clutching it tightly. Realizing what she was doing, she shook her head. _Just like I hold to Clark_, she thought. Lana felt the tears welling up again, the pain of betrayal tearing at her heart. How could he? Clark had always been there for her, protecting her. Then he had turned around and...stabbed her in the back. Curling into a ball, Lana cried herself to sleep; the rose did not once slip from her delicate fingers.


	2. Regret

Chapter 1 

Clark walked into Smallville High, not really paying attention to where he was going. He felt miserable. He'd lost his chance. Lana hated him all because of a simple misunderstanding. Somehow he ended up at his locker and opened it, checking his schedule and getting his books. Closing his locker, he turned, almost running straight into Lana. He met her eyes, unaware of the pain his own green eyes displayed. Without a word, Clark diverted his eyes and hurried to class, mentally kicking himself. How could he have done such a thing, even under the influence of a red meteor rock? The late bell rang, shaking Clark from his thoughts.  
The day passed in a blur. Clark couldn't concentrate at all. The only thing that surfaced in his mind was the fact that he had hurt Lana. He felt so guilty, so fickle. _Some guy I am,_ he thought angrily. _Super powers or no, I'm a jackass. _The small, reasonable part of his mind tried to disagree. After all, Pete had slipped him some red meteor rock. _Lana_ didn't know what red meteor rocks did to him, though. He couldn't tell her. She would be angry; she would think he was a freak. If only there was a way to make her understand...  
  
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           Lana walked into the Talon, her mind still on Clark. The hours passed in hazy distortion, order after order, forcing smile after smile. The one time she had seen him, they had practically collided. In the solitary moment their eyes had locked, she had seen everything. His pain, his sorrow, his guilt, and most of all, his desperate plea for forgiveness. She had tried, tried so hard to penetrate the wall that stood at the back of these emotions. It had proved solid and high. Wishing with all her heart that she could tear down the wall shielding her own inner self, Lana was dimly aware of a single tear trickle down her cheek. It was all too much.   
Lana sank to the floor in the small kitchen in the Talon. There she cried silently, mute sobs falling from her with a bitter sense of regret. Clark had never let her down before...not once. Her entire being screamed out that there must have been something to influence Clark, to somehow take control. She was so wrapped up in her grief that she did not notice the tall man standing before her.   
"Lana, why don't you head home? I'll close up for you." For the first time in as long as he could remember, Lex Luthor was genuinely concerned, making an offer from the pure knowledge that it was in Lana's best interests as a friend, not a business partner. She nodded and hurried away, swiping furiously at her eyes, trying to brush away the pain like the tears on her face.   
When she arrived back at the Sullivans', Lana was glad to find that no one was home. Unlocking the door, Lana went straight to her room. A small piece of paper had been left on her night table.   
  
_Lana,_ it read, _Clark called for you...4 times. I know, I know, it really isn't any of my business. But maybe you should call him back. -Chloe_  
  
Lana crumpled the note and threw it away, reaching for the phone. Eager fingers dialed the number, so familiar, so painfully familiar. Every reasonable corner of her mind told her no, told her she shouldn't be calling him. Somehow, she couldn't stop herself.   
"Hello?" It was Mr. Kent. Lana, shaken back into reality, hung up without a word. It would be so much easier to do this in person, to see the sincerity she could already imagine on Clark's face. To know he cared, and that he was sorry. Lana knew, though, that she would never be the one to approach him. Maybe this was how it was meant to be. Maybe she and Clark were destined to be apart. Something told her that it was the opposite. If only she could have the courage to make things right...


	3. Revelation?

Chapter 2 

            Lana rushed around the Talon, expertly navigating the tables. She was busy today. But not too busy to keep her mind off Clark. She had seen Lex that afternoon, thanking him endlessly for closing up the small coffee shop for her. He had shrugged off her gratitude, saying she was a "friend in need." Lana had a hard time believing that…but maybe Lex Luthor _had done something kind. Just as Lana was starting to relax and forget about him, who else but Clark walked through the doors. Lana quickly asked the new waitress, Mahra, to cover for her and rushed into the kitchen. She rubbed her eyes a few times, trying to hold back tears. Why had he come? Why had he walked in just as she was starting to forget? Bracing herself, Lana walked back out of the kitchen. She'd have to face Clark sometime. Better sooner than later. Clark looked up as she walked past, purposely ignoring him. Maybe if she didn't look at him…if she pretended he wasn't there…he might leave. She had no such luck. _

            Clark sighed unhappily. Lana was obviously still upset. She wouldn't even look at him. Why was he so stupid? Hanging around was a surefire was to make things worse. It was pretty clear that he was the last person she wanted to see. Still, the Talon closed in a few minutes. Maybe he could try to talk to her. Waiting as people slowly left, Clark didn't stand until only he and Lana remained. "Lana, I…" he began, but she interrupted him. 

            "We're closing. You have to leave." Clark tried to speak, failed, and turned to leave. Pausing for a moment at the soft sob he heard behind him, Clark resisted the urge to comfort her, pushed open the door and walked home.

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            The next week passed with a painful sluggishness for both Lana and Clark. Clark could only focus on his guilt, feeling that nothing else was more important than finding a way to win forgiveness. If only he could tell Lana his secret. She would understand, and everything would be fine again. There would be nothing left to hide from her, nothing to keep locked away. He practically growled in frustration, earning himself several strange looks. He didn't care what they thought. Slamming his locker door, Clark went home and straight to his loft.  He tried to do his homework, but couldn't concentrate. Before he knew what he was doing, Clark went to the storm cellar and laid a hand on the space ship. He looked at it wistfully for a moment, as if it would tell him what to do. A voice startled him out of his thoughts. 

            "Clark?" It sounded like Lana. But what would she be doing talking to him? Clark reacted a second too late. Lana walked down the stairs and saw the ship. She gasped. "Clark…that's a…"

            "Lana…if I told you a secret, would you keep it? No matter how bizarre it was, no matter how angry you were, would you keep it a secret?" Lana forgot all her pain and sadness for a moment. Clark Kent, man of many secrets, wanted to tell the truth. 

            "Of course I would." She replied. 

            "Lana, please understand, I've wanted to tell you this for so long. If you tell anyone…the results could be disastrous. I…I came to Earth in this ship during the meteor shower. I'm an alien." 

            "Clark, you're crazy. How could you be an alien? You…you're…" Lana's eyes narrowed. "You lied to me. All those times when things happened that I couldn't explain. You were lying to me."

            "Lana, listen to me. This is exactly why I never told you. Because I was afraid you would act like this. Look, I'm still just Clark."

            "How could you?" Lana hissed. She stormed away, angry tears falling from her cheeks." 

            "Lana!" Clark called. His voice was distant…tinny. He fell down a hole…everything was black…and Clark Kent woke up on the floor of his loft, breathing heavily. His half-finished homework was lying on the floor beside him, just where he had left it before he fell asleep. It was all a dream…going to the storm cellar…telling Lana his secret. It was just a dream. But that meant Lana was still hurt. It meant that he still had to lie, to pretend. Not for the first time, Clark wished he didn't have super powers. He wished he was another normal guy, and that some other person had gotten stuck with all this crap. Oh, how he wished to be free of his secret…but that would never happen. He was still Clark Kent…a superhuman pretender.


End file.
